Mess up [明明就]

Kind of complicated relation with him now.

He starts to sms me out for playing badminton after two months of silence when I confronted to him.

I still can control my feelings on him.

However, he didn't talk much to me since then.

After every matches, I just go off and he didn't even say a single word.

He just mingle around with his friends.

I am like the outsider.

But I still show up whenever he requests for the match. "Stupid, right?"

He just cann't stay alone with me as he will make sure at least one of his friends is attending as well.

Why?

I know he still counts me as his friend but the feeling and atmosphere is still not right yet.

 真的是“剪不断，理还乱！”

New song from Jay Chou:

明明就

演唱：周杰伦

糖果罐里好多颜色
微笑却不甜了
你的某些快乐
在没有我的时刻

中古世纪的城市里
我想就走到这
海鸥不再眷恋大海
可以飞更远

远方传来风笛
我只在意有你的消息
请把为爱收走秘密
而我为你守着回忆

明明就不喜欢牵手
为何却主动把手勾
你的心事太多
我不会说破

明明就他比较温柔
也许他能给你更多
不用抉择
我会自动变朋友

糖果罐里好多颜色
微笑却不甜了
你的某些快乐
在没有我的时刻

中古世纪的城市里
我想就走到这
海鸥不再眷恋大海
可以飞更远

这里的“我”依然是“我”，

这里的“你”依然是“你”，

但， 这里的“他”却是“她”

Merry Christmas :)

Kyan

Reading New Books

Went to the book fair last weekend and had this books.

Retrieve some good words from the book:

爱情不能讨价还价，

有感觉就有感觉， 没有感觉就 始终没感觉，

完全勉强不来，能够培养起来的，

是友情不是爱情。

[欧阳文风]

成长是一条没有回头的路， 只能一直往前走。

我虽已不再是一个追风的少年，也没有在蓝天下奔驰追逐高飞的风筝，

但是我日日夜夜都在追逐一件我长的再大、活的再大，永远都不会放弃的事，

那就是：理想与爱情。

[Antonia Paoliello(张晓东)]

摘自：<<男男自语>>

完全是我所向往的！

还没阅读完， 相信还有更多名言。

还有一本欧阳文风的书等着我，不知为何爱上了他的文笔。

那书是<<同根生>>。

 

下回再谈我对这两本书的读后感。

Kyan

My Ultimate Goal in My Life: Gay Family Values

Wosh, almost one month since last post.

We are in weird situation now.

Both of us feel awkward to meet each other.

Haiz, let it be lah.

My first subscription for a youtube channel.

Such a lovely family.

Who said gay couple cannot have children.

Check out all the videos in the channel.

It tells everything.

I am not paid to promote their channel. haha... ...

Just love their videos.

So real, full of love, love and it still love.

Check it out yo :]

Gay Family Values Youtube Channel

Cheers... ...

Kyan

Goodbye...

《我的歌声里》
词曲：曲婉婷（

没一点点防备
也没有一丝顾虑
你就这样出现在我的世界里
带给我惊喜   " 情不自已 "
可是你偏又这样
在我不知不觉中悄悄的消失
从我的世界里没有音讯剩下的只是回忆
你存在我深深的脑海里
我的梦里、我的心里、我的歌声里

你存在我深深的脑海里
我的梦里、我的心里、我的歌声里

还记得我们曾经肩并肩走过那段繁华巷口
尽管你我是陌生人是过路人
但彼此还是感觉到了对方的一个眼神、一个心跳
一种意想不到的快乐
好像是一场梦境  “ 命中注定 ”
你存在我深深的脑海里
我的梦里、我的心里、我的歌声里

你存在我深深的脑海里
我的梦里、我的心里、我的歌声里 

世界之大为何我们相遇
难道是缘分、难道是天意

你存在我深深的脑海里
我的梦里、我的心里、我的歌声里
你存在我深深的脑海里
我的梦里、我的心里、我的歌声里

你存在我深深的脑海里
我的梦里、我的心里、我的歌声里

 

Nice song and well written lyrics :]

Kyan

Miss U (Day 02)

Guys, wish me luck.

I am gonna ask how he feels on me.

If he is a straight, then that's the end.

Hope I can really pull myself out from him.

I think I really fall hard on him.

I know I am in big trouble now :(

Kyan

Miss U (Day 01)

I am such a crap.

I am really suffering now.

My fonder on you grows wildly since I confronted to you.

I thought I can pull myself out from you then.

But, I feel even worse on it.

I really miss you so much.

Gary, do you know it?

I miss the time be with you.

You make my life happier and much filling.

You are so nice to me and make my existance more meaningful.

Could you hear the voice from my heart?

Kyan

Pre-Convocation Post

Work like a cow last few weeks.

Following a series of online teaching videos that related to my research topic.

Reading, Going classes (some boring university subjects), meeting... ...

Finally, it's my big day - my Convocation day.

Free out some time to post something here as it's already one month I didn't post anything. Haha.

The ceremony is this afternoon.

Quite upset and emo as my father cann't make it and wait until the day.

It"s already two years.

It gets better now.

"Dad, I get the award as I promised to you during my first year study."

Sure you will be very pround of it if you are here.

Gonna go and prepare for the ceremony.

Forget.

Congratulations to ALL my mates and 

 Big Big Thank you to my lecturers, friends and family who do help me alot during my undergraduate Uni life.

Muacks... ...

Cheers,

Kyan

Changes???

I am tougher and more mature after the four year undergraduate university life.

(That's what I thinklah)

Cause a lot of things happen within the four years.

But, feel not much changes on my campus life.

Alone, alone, and still alone

Loneliness hitting me again.

Eat alone.

Study alone.

Shop alone.

Walk alone.

Watching movie alone.

Sleep alone all the night... ...

Much much more things done alone.

Even I am typing this post alone.

Suddenly, I am emo cause after a whole day work and brain storming.

The feeling of loneliness will hit u hardly after u are free.

Agree?

Am I use to it already?

Probably not. It even harder when I am a postgraduate.

All my friends have starting their another life journey.

Anyone? Who are waiting outside for me?

Could u please appear in front of me now?

Kyan

 

New Start... ...

Hi, Hello all guys out there.

Just register to be a postgraduate today.

Sorry for abandon my blog for almost 2 months.

Luckily it is not more than 3 months.

Then, u all might think I die already.

Choi x3 Still ghost month ho.

Busy with my research proposal and so on.

I'm back.

So tired after tidying my room.
Finally, got the scholarship from mu Uni.
Damn 爽， just pay half of the total study fees.
Waiting for my allowances.
Money money come hehehe... ...
Be humble. OkOk

A big thank you to my cousin sister.

Sorry for making you waiting so long this morning.

(So many procedure to go through for the registration + so many people)

Thanks for your help.

Four years ago, it's you.

Today, four year after its still you. (But my father has gone)

THANK YOU, MY LOVELY 大姐。

Cheers... ...

Kyan

Guilty

Sorry, guys.

Didn’t update my blog for a long time liao.

U guys sure feel ‘sien’ that I keep apologizing for not updating my blog.

Ok. I will try to post something at least once a week.

I promise :]

Why I feel guilty leh???

The reason is:

I am eating at a cafe inside my Uni this afternoon and below are the conversation between me and the cashier(Malay girl):

Cashier            : Dik, RM 3.70.

Me                  : Ok. ( Give her RM 5.00)

Cashier            : (Give me back the change RM 1.00)

Me                  : Kak, saya bagi RM 5.00 tadi. ( I know it is just 30 sen more)

Cashier            : Ye ke. Berapa? Lupa dah.

Me                  : RM 5.00!!!

Cashier            : (Give me back RM 0.30 +RM 5.00)

Me                  : =.= (Struggling... ... take it or not take it). Take it.

Then, I get a free meal + RM 1.30 more.

Actually I feel quite guilty then.

So, guys will you take it or give back the extra change to the cashier?

A) Take it             B) Return

Initially, I just wanna get back another 30 sen.

I am not hoping for another 5 ringgit. Haiz… …

Make me feeling guilty now. Huhu… …

Finally, I finish my FYP.

Below are my hard works:

Isometry view

Top view

Side view

 I know I know they are just book. No need to take so many photos right.

My hard works leh.

Probably u may know which university that I am come from. Haha… …

Just give it a guess.

I am still in my uni now cause I am taking an extra course to enhance my skills on design drawing with an engineering software – AutoCAD 2012.

Keep occupying myself with works.

So, I will not think on (desperate for) having a relationship with others. Haha… …

Yup. I unfriend “HIM” from my Facebook friends list after seeking advices from my friend few weeks ago.

But, I will be totally free on August.

Then, how? Intend to get a part time job.

Besides, one of my sister’s friends request me to draw a “Weeding Tree” for her weeding on this coming October recently.

I have drawn the first draft and she has some comments on it.

So, I have to redraw it again.

Hope I can meet what she wants then.

My first drawing project. Haha… …

By the way, do you guys know which website is suitable for friend finding ah?

No handphone applications likes Grindr cause my handphone is just a normal phone.

If it is a smart phone sure I have installed it long time ago. Hehe... ... 

No intention to change hp yet.

Then, I will get wild 0.0

Cheers... ...

Kyan

  

Short Short Holiday

Again, sorry I am just too lazy to update my blog.

I am in Selangor now.

To be specify, in PJ now.

All the way up to here to meet one of my best friends during my high school time.

(Giving you guys hint on which part of the country that I am from. Haha... ...)

He is a guy ^.^

Hold on, don't misunderstand me and start thinking... ...

He is a super straight people.

Just wanna to release my tension from the uni works.

So, having some good food and go to some nice places here.

Jungle tracking with him and one of his best friends at Bukit Gasing.

Fortunately, he is the one who understands me most and he gives me lots of advices.

He is open-minded as well.

Yes, I have coming out to him.

He really make my day. Hehe... ...

:]

Muacks ... ...

Kyan

 

 

Long Long Time

It gonna be a long post.

Again, sorry for leaving my blog sooooo long without any notification.  Hehe… …

I am busy with my FYP.

Finally, it almost comes to an end and will hand it in this week.

Not completely finish yet because I still need to summarize out and publish it in journal.

It is better to have some published works now as I am going to continue my study on PHD!

Then, all the papers can help to support and promote me during the research.

YUP, YES… I am going to study PHD!

Already make up my mind, need to prepare myself and struggle in study for another 3 years. (Nak susah-susah dahulu, senang kemudian) just my personal point of view lah.

Both mentally and physically.

Sound like going for war. HAHAHA… …

Ok, next topic. I am that boring actually. No much life.

I think it will be my first and last time to have Japanese food buffet in that particular restaurant.

The reason is it is so expansive, RM 70 per person!!!0.0

The food is just better than average.

It is still too expensive for me.

It is a gathering with my coursemates and seniors.

I attend it because this is the last time to gather liao.

Besides, I am upset by one of my friends recently.

He is the one who first I came out to.

He is the first who I let him know my blog.

Whatever, I just wanna post it right now.

I donn’t care whether he comes across this post or not.  (Already in a bitch mode)

Currently, he tries to avoid and run away from me because of some comments.

“Are you in a relationship with him?”

“Where is your boyfriend?”

I am a monster to him now cause he said he is afraid of me.

He said I become so brave now and may do something on him.

OMG!!!

Am I wrong to be honest to someone that I can trust to?

I donn’t know.

Maybe I am trying to share too many things with him likes I will discuss some interesting posts from you guys with him, share the books that I had read recently and gives my opinions on some gay topics.

Sorry, maybe it is too much for a super straight people.

Seems like those are the reasons why he misunderstands me that I am interested on him.

I don’t have any PLU friends in real life.

My friend, please understand it.

So sad, the friendship is just too weak to overcome all these.

Sorry, friend. You are still my BFF.

Haiz, no friend can share my happiness and sadness anymore liao.

Wanna go for travelling after all this.

BUT no “kaki”.

Any volunteer who are free on this coming August.

I am serious.

Nice commercial.

Hope can boarded it one day.

A visit of the Airbus A380 demonstrator aircraft

 

Cheers… …

Kyan

Uni life 8: Random

Bought a leather + metal + string??? bracelet last wednesday.

C C C... ...

Nice???

Like it at the first sight. Haha... ...

Especially the word "Blessing".

I think it should be "Blessings", as I want lots and lots of blessingsssssssss. Hehe ^.^

Life is hard.

It is even harder for us, right?

A virtual 's' is hidden behind the word.

So, I gonna share all the blessings with you guys now.

xoxo

Kyan

 

Perasan Pulak?

(I suppose to post this on last week but I am really busy as this month is critical for me to finish up my FYP)

So, sorry guys. (Who care... ...)

Whateverlah!

It was my graduation dinner yesterday (Sunday, 29 April 2012).

Everything is just fine.

Surelah, spotted some handsome guys. Haha… …

My attire for the dinner.

I dimmed it out purposely. Malulah.

(Then, still wanna post it)

All of us know human is complicated, right.

Quite perasan when I have photo shooting session with my friends.

Actually, I have come out to most of my friends officially and unofficially. (Just wanna be honest to them)

 The consequence is some of them are making fun of me during the dinner.

Like asking me and my friend to keep closer, try to hold my friend’s waist when they are taking the photo for us.

I know their intention is good but it is out in public.

Furthermore, I have the sense that my friend is telling to one of my friend that “this guy is gay” although they are talking in other language when my friend put his arms over my shoulder which is normal to guys when taking a photo, right.

Then, my friend quickly put his arm down from me.

Haiz, am I thinking too much?

I know this is just the beginning.

Where is my boyfriend???

Boyfriend wanted!!!

Anyone interested pls send me an email. HAHA… …

(OMG, I am putting myself into danger)

Recently, I am addicted to this Korean drama "Life is Beautiful".

(Curi-curi masa untuk release my tension). Hehe... ...

It is not the latest Korean drama series.

The life is simple... ...

 

Cheers… …

Kyan

Tired & Alone

Sorry, I am so tired and feel lonely now.

ABSOLUTELY busy with my FYP.

Wake up at 8a.m., work non-stop until 12p.m.

My brain almost got "HANG".

Retry, retry and retry... ...

Until the model and the programme run.

Really tired now :( 

How I wish I can smash my laptop and end everthing now.

Just kidding.

I cann't graduate if I really do it.

Just be patient lo.

Guys, I need a big hug, RIGHT NOW.

Maybe I should get myself a soft toy as well just like Leo Nut :]

Haiz, how good if "my special one" is beside me now.

I need some comfort.

It is a rainy day again.

 Kyan

Life 10: Random

This is just a random post.

I known that I didn't update my blog for quite some time liao.

Just too lazy. Haha... ...

I read this article this morning.

The title is "Oh, Ricky!"

Yes, it is about Ricky Martin.

 The link:

Chinese Version

English Version

Adapted from http://www.aibai.com/infoview.php?id=23111

He is so lucky.

That is the life that every PLUs hope for.

It is possible to happen in real life.

Guys, don't be hopeless. Hehe... ...

Since everybody is busy for job haunting, me also kiasu and searching online now.

Quite emo now cause I just find out that it is really not easy to achive my career goal in future.

Especially in term of "MONEY". Again... ...

Ok. Stop searching.

It's enough for the day.

Gonna finish up and get worry on my final year project first.

Another big big problem.

Kyan

Is It True?

爱，真的要拥有才能快乐吗？

默默得在一旁守候你所爱的人，

默默得怀念你曾经所拥有过他的爱，

有时，也是一种幸福。

Intresting... ...

Cheers... ...

Kyan

 

Sharing

Just wanna share an interesting link here.

http://www.flightglobal.com/atlas/map/ 

That site is recommended by my lecturer.

It helps to relieve my tension.

It shows all the flights that are flying on the sky.

It is a real time display with only 5 minutes delay on the data transmission.

It's interesting and fun. (Maybe it only for me)

The aircrafts are just like fishes in the aquarium.

Haha.

The information of the aircraft will be shown when you click on it.

Explore it.

Have fun.

Cheers... ...

Kyan

 

Problem??

Testing... Testing... 1 2 3 Check Check

It seems like my blog is not updated in some of your guy's blog list.

It maybe causes by the changing of my URL address few weeks back.

I have change it back to the original URL.

Does you guys receive any update from my blog now?

Some responses, please... ...

Cheers... ...

Kyan

Uni Life 7.5

7.5? Haha... ...

The reason is I will normally post in my blog once a week when I am in Uni.

But, this is my second post for this week.

So, put it as 7.5.

Who cares? LOL

Edugaytion

Our Stories

Recently, I finish reading these two books.

Those had been released quite a few years ago.

Both by 欧阳文风.

Edugaytion:

It pointed out how anti-homosexual peoples or parties in criticizing and slandering LGBT communities without any evidences.

After reading, you will feel that those peoples are really stupid and innocent.

Sorry, it's sound rude but its true.

Guys, we need to stand out for ourselve.

Our Stories:

It consists of 15 true love stories from 15 LGBT around the world and all of them are chinese.

They are from China, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Canada and etc.

Maybe one of the stories is your story as well.

By the way, I came across this video when I searched for the video of the production of A380 for Malaysia Airlines.

It is a flash mob in KLIA on 14 January 2012.

It really shows that Malaysia is a multi-racial country.

I like the first part and the last part of the video.

The songs are nice and the girl sings very well.
For those who study abroad, do always miss your home, Malaysia.
LOL.

Cheers... ...

Kyan

Uni Life 7

Busy!Busy!Busy!

Stress up with the final year project and assignment.

Although I am just having 12 credit hours for this semester, the workload much much more than 12.

Lecturers keep requesting this and that.

So, I need to search those and that within the given duration.

But I still have time to think about HIM. Haha... ...

As expected, he didn't reply my message on facebook.

I just want him to respond whether he is straight, bi or gay. 

It seems like I am crazy.

I just want to be honest to myself.

Hw?Hw?Hw?

He didn't reply my message.

Should I messsage him again?

Or just wait?

It is already one week.

He is on facebook now.

What should I do?

I just want to clarify.

That's all.

 By the way, have you ever been chatting with your mum in the phone with almost one hour non-stop?

I did it just now.

I just find out that I am talkative when I am with my mum whether in phone or we confront each other especially at home.

Loneliness?

I was just too lazy and the mood was not with me in writing any post last week.

Besides, I will be really busy with my final year project this week.

Since I am quite free last two weeks, I am back to my aunt’s house for a short stay during the weekend.

My aunt’s house is quite near to my university.

In short, I am with my aunt and cousins all the time and I really enjoy the time being with them.

They treat me like their own son and like their younger brother.

However, I just have a feeling that something is missing and incomplete.

I am hoping that my “special someone” is beside me and it keeps me thinking of HIM.

Someone that I can share my joyous moment with.

Someone that I can share my feelings with.

Someone that I can share my thoughts with.

Someone that can comfort me during the hardest time.

Guys, is it loneliness?

Yup, I am so desperate now. Haha… …

Some of you may know who HIM is as I have mentioned HIM in my older post.

The desire on asking HIM about his sexuality becomes stronger these few days.

But I am the one who promise not to disturb him anymore in future after I come out to HIM and tell him the truth that I like HIM.

How dare I am.

Should I write a message to HIM and tell HIM what’s my feelings now?

Asking HIM what’s your preference?

Are you into me?

 

Below are some parts of the last chatting between me and HIM on facebook:

HIM    : eer, no feeling towards gals...

              reli a sad case @@

ME      :  Got feeling to u lah. Haha. Send u a link

               http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrIB5Ojbqns.

               This is hw Singapore well accept to LGBT people. Let me know yours feeling.

HIM    :  eer

  dunno why

  de video is good

  but sumtime dis kind of video

              misleading

              means sometime ppl who are not LGBT who watch dis video, will get infected

  get wat i meant?

ME    :  U mean those who are straight will turn to gay?

HIM  :  Ya

ME    :  Don't know, maybe. Hope u become gay as well. Haha.

            Because I hv feeling to u for the time beeing. Seem I am too much to u, right!!!

            Don't curse me at the back.

HIM  :  wont

i understand ur feeling

last time in (XXX) u already not straight de a ?

hw come i din realize

            haha

 

Luckily, he didn’t unfriend me from the facebook after the chat.

I am just afraid that he will be annoyed when I try to chat with him on the topic again.

I am not afraid that he is a straight as I know the argument that nobody can change ones’ sexual preference as it comes in naturally. 

Then, I will let my feeling on him gone.

Note: I suppose to post this on last week but I am sick due to the skin allergy. Still on the recovery process as it is quite serious. I will post the photo on the part of my body which is attacked by the skin disease in future. It is disgusting. Haha… …

Cheers… …

Kyan